The Nightmare


 9/26/21


Several nights ago I had this dream, more like a nightmare.  I was driving with my sons on this narrow road along a mountain.  It was a brown desolate mountain, no green, no beauty.  On one side of the road was the side of the mountain, rising high into the air.  On the other side were raging waters, right against the edge of the road.  Angry, chopping, wave filled waters for miles and miles.  The road was so narrow and winding.  I was terrified of driving off into the waters.  

I kept thinking “I just want my sons to be safe.  I just want my sons to be safe.”  Suddenly, I had driven into this huge pot hole in the road.  It looked to be about 2 feet deep.  I began to panic as I tried and tried to rev the car and get out.  Over the edge of the mountain I heard the roaring of something.  I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it terrified me.  I kept trying to get the car unstuck, all while praying “Please get my boys out.  Please get my boys out.”  The roaring over the mountain was so close now.  With hot tears streaming down my face and my boys screaming “Mom, get us out, get us out”, I looked up to the top of the mountain side. From over the top came a massive wave, a waterfall.  I kept crying out “save my boys, just save my boys.”  The water rushed at us.  That’s when I woke up.

I knew immediately what the dream meant. Dreaming of tsunamis, of huge bodies of water over-taking you, of drowning, are all symbols of being overwhelmed and engulfed by life at hand. Feeling overwhelmed and full of dread is no small thing right now.  All this pain, sadness, disbelief….I want to shield my sons from it.  I want to take away all of it.  I want them to be happy again.  To be carefree.  To be children!  

Some moments are good though.  There are moments of laughter, of remembrance, of trying to live life.  But oh how I wish I could fast forward to a time when we could deal with the pain a bit easier.

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