Showing posts from February, 2018

Stop saying I'm strong! A journey through divorce and the aftermath.

I so understand the sentiment. 
I get it.
I appreciate the support, love, and concern.
I also know it is not true.
I am not strong.
I am not great.
I am not always doing well.
I'm not always happy.

I hide.
I hide behind a smile.
I hide behind "lies" of I'm doing wonderful.
I hide behind the light of day.
I hide behind "happy" pictures posted on social media.
I hide behind "fun" times.

You don't see all the time I'm alone.
You don't see me embracing the darkness and crying myself to sleep so many nights.
You don't see me on my knees crying and cursing and pleading and making deals & bargains with the God I believe in.
You don't see the loneliness in my heart.
You don't see the endless nights.
You don't see me looking into a future that looks bleak.

Though I know encouragement is just that and can be wonderful.
I also know in the midst of pain it is cliched and trite.

Many of you don't know the depression that ru…