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Showing posts from February, 2011

The call to live in a hut!

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I'm watching a show on Netflix about a family who visited El Salvador, the poorest parts, helping families in true poverty.

I am reminded of 3 major things.

1.) Even though we [my family and I] struggle, we are still extremely blessed.  Our struggles are no where near their struggles.  One El Salvadorian family on there had 14 children, but 4 have died.  One was 3 weeks old from malnutrition.  

2.) I am reminded of my own mission trip with my home church in Ohio to Honduras roughly 13 years ago.  We saw, encountered and felt so many of the same things as this family did while visiting.  It seems like only yesterday that I was there.

AND...

3.)  No matter how hard I have denied it these past 13 years, no matter how much I push it to the back of my mind, no matter how much I don't want to acknowledge the deep connection I felt in Honduras and how I did not want to board the plane to come back to "reality", no matter how hard I try, I can not escape the fact that I have felt…

I want an answer!

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Call me a geek but there are times that certain movie or TV lines can resonate what I feel, think or believe on a something.  The X-Files, when it was on TV, was one of my all time favorite shows.  I remember one episode where Mulder was frustrated after his many attempts, and many dead ends.  He demanded:  "I want an answer!"  To which the reply was from some obscure character, "There are no answers for you."

I hate that!  I hate not having answers to something that I have to assign a reason too.  Especially when it involves my children.  I go over this all the time, talk about a lot, and no matter how many times I do, or how many times someone says "It's not your fault" or "It's the past anyway, no matter what", I still have to re-visit it.  I want an answer!

I had a short conversation with the principal of David's school and my place of employement.  David has been having a rough time with the fire drills and just did not want to ea…

I do what I feel led to do.

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It's been a long, stressful 3 days for us.  One of those times where you are so tired and so drained that you just want to fall into bed, into oblivion for hours and hours and hours.  Not because work has tired us out, or life has been busy.  Instead I am emotionally drained as I watch David cope with his anxiety and try to pinpoint what else could be going on with him.

Thank God I have people at my work, whom I would consider close enough friends to cry in front of [like I did today, and have in the past] to share my concerns, fears and frustrations.  And to know they may not always agree, but they understand a mother's heart.

I completely understand the side of the coin where people think it is better to help children learn to face their fears, even if it means some days/weeks/months of "uncomfortability".  I really DO understand that.

On the flip side, I am not that parent.  Instead I am the parent who follows my child's cues as another good friend pointed out [T…