I do what I feel led to do.

It's been a long, stressful 3 days for us.  One of those times where you are so tired and so drained that you just want to fall into bed, into oblivion for hours and hours and hours.  Not because work has tired us out, or life has been busy.  Instead I am emotionally drained as I watch David cope with his anxiety and try to pinpoint what else could be going on with him.

Thank God I have people at my work, whom I would consider close enough friends to cry in front of [like I did today, and have in the past] to share my concerns, fears and frustrations.  And to know they may not always agree, but they understand a mother's heart.

I completely understand the side of the coin where people think it is better to help children learn to face their fears, even if it means some days/weeks/months of "uncomfortability".  I really DO understand that.

On the flip side, I am not that parent.  Instead I am the parent who follows my child's cues as another good friend pointed out [Thank you Shari!].  When I KNOW in my heart that either of my children are not ready to face a fear, and when facing that fear means deepening an anxiety rather than helping to heal it....I WILL pull them away from the fear until such a time that they are ready to hear/understand/begin to rationalize and know that the fear can be controlled.

I myself have some deep fears and let me say, that if someone forced me to face those fears [on in particular that I am thinking of], it would only worsen and and in addition create a resentment towards those pushing it.  I don't expect anything out of my children that I do not expect or do myself.

I can not watch my children suffer and not cry, not reach out to them, not comfort them.  It is not in my nature to do that.  I am not wired that way, I do not parent that way, I will not parent that way.

'Tis true the old saying "to each their own" and such is the case now.  People can tell me I spoil them, I baby them too much, they need better discipline and they surely have the right to believe that.

But I will continue to follow my heart and my children's cues and travel this road right along with them, hand in hand.  Not in front as if I'm "training" them, nor behind them were they can get too far out of my "sight" for me to feel anything.  But beside them as my child, as a fellow human being in need of the same love and comfort that I desire.  

It works for us :)

 

Comments

  1. we finally took the boys to the dentist for the first time in august. they were a tad nervous (read: freaking out). but it had to be done, and i knew they'd be fine once we got there and got underway. there were a few um....moments where the dentist and i didn't see eye to eye, as they say. one being they separate the 'older' (as in, 5 yo) children from their parents categorically. micah has such high anxiety that this was.not. going to work. and didn't. i'm talking about xrays and cleaning. so jake stayed with him, and it was fine. well, turns out micah has a tooth that needs repair. dentist wanted to do a 'grab and go'- which means the dentist would come get him from the waiting room, take him to the back and somehow restrain him, do the work and we would come in and 'rescue' him.

    yea, no. this child has SO MUCH anxiety as it is, i cannot imagine what it would do to him to go through something like that. kidnap and torture, much? ugh. we are not going back, obviously.

    long way of saying "right one!" ;)

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  2. Oh wow, yeah I'd NEVER go for that! That just createst distrust even more in my opinion.

    ReplyDelete

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