Did I ever tell you the story....

I remember so vividly the moment I met my oldest son’s soul in a dream.  The dream began in a foggy darkness with my best friend and I walking along a lone sidewalk.   Ahead of us I began to see a bit of light, not sunlight but some kind of pale light.  As we drew closer I saw a tall streetlamp, with its artificial light casting a triangle type beam of light down through the fog onto the sidewalk.  There beneath the streetlight a child stood with his back to us and hands in pocket.  Walking past the child I looked at him.  He had an adorable face, with glasses and this kind of bowl shaped haircut.   I turned to my friend and said, “When I have son, he will look like that little boy.”  At that moment the little boy turned towards me, looked up, and said “Hi mom!”  Something deep in my being knew instantly that I had met my future son.

I woke up filled with a sense of peace and wonder.  My husband and I were not trying to conceive at that point, rather we were about a month and half from our wedding day.   Cue, two weeks later.   I was shopping for a few groceries, thinking about final wedding plans.  Going past the seafood counter I was suddenly repulsed by that familiar “ocean” smell.  I had never remembered it smelling so bad and I nearly didn’t  make it the restroom to get sick.  I resumed shopping but had this feeling that I was pregnant.  One extra item, a pregnancy test bought and a chipper “Good luck!” from the cashier and I was racing home to test!

 Almost instantly the line appeared and I was in shock.  I stood in the bathroom, both laughing and crying.  And then fear set in.  Having lost our first little one to miscarriage a year before I was filled with dread about the same outcome.  Yet I couldn’t contain my excitement at the same time.   My best friend was the first to know.  I had to be sure after all that I wasn’t imagining those lines.  That’s right, I may or may not have taken a few more tests just to be sure.  There was no imagining it.  I was pregnant, and funny enough it conception happened around the time I had met my son in that dream.  Amazing how life works sometimes.  I believe in a Higher Power, God.  I’m also not a black and white person and do not get hung up on dogma and doctrine.  I embrace what God was giving us, and at that time apparently it was another child.  And I prayed this one would live and be able to be born. 

Throughout the entire pregnancy something told me that he was different, unique, not like other children.  However that came out more in the form of worry and anxiety.  I was fearful all of the pregnancy.  I had horrible dreams of losing him, of him taking away, of me fighting for him.  Looking back I realize that I was being prepared for this wonderfully bright, beautiful, and autistic child!

On November 13, 2006 at 2:13pm, he came into the world.  That was quite the experience too.  Another story, for another time.  At that moment, I breathed a sigh of relief.  He was here, crying, and in my arms.  I forgot about all those nights of terrible dreams.  All those days of being in tears, worrying something was "wrong" with him.  None of that mattered.  And I had no idea of the journey that lay before us. 

For that instance, all was right with the world and our beautiful son was the greatest gift!
And that is the story of how I met my son ;)


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