Monday, May 23, 2016

My other son: Have I told you how wonderful he is?

I'm talking about my youngest, Aaron Preston.  He'll be 8 in a little over a month and he is so excited.

He talks everyday about his birthday, about how he wants a Lorax theme, about the legos he wants, the friends he wants to invite.
He's my happy go lucky kid.  My boy with a sense of humor.  He's the one that will go outside early in the morning and come dragging in at dusk, covered with dirt, telling about his fun day out playing.

He's my sensitive soul, my very giving child, perceptive, loving, feisty, spirited, and full of hugs.

He's always slipping me cards and notes, little gifts he makes out of random beads he finds.  He's almost always so understanding of David and my often preoccupation with him and all the issues.

With that, I confess that I'm pretty sure I've failed him as a parent. 
I feel like I don't spend as much time with him as I should.  I feel like at times I'm harder on him.  I tend to not realize what he may be feeling or going through in his own life, and with dealing with David's illness and Autism.

Not too long ago we were at Aaron's school having lunch with him.  It was a nice spring day, we were sitting on an outside table, when suddenly David let's out that all to familiar scream of fear and phobia.  He has always had one concerning bees and wasps.  And it seems to only be getting worse.  He also loses all sense around him and about him.  David flies out of the seat and across the small court yard screaming and crying. 
Other children are lining up for lunch and looking at him peculiarly.
I try to coax him back to his seat.  Aaron stands up and says "Look David, it's gone and has flown by the building.  Come sit down."

I could see Aaron glancing over at the other children a little nervously but he went on eating.  I had never thought about Aaron's reaction and also what he might be met with from other children when they encounter his brother with Autism.  Not until my husband told me later that night, it might be a little tough on him having to explain why his brother does what he does. 
I also found myself short tempered tonight with both them.  David of course, because of the ASD can often provoke people to irritation not realizing it.  Tensions mounted, Aaron hit him.  I lost my own temper.  Tears came.  The cool down came.
And then he and I sat and talked.  I apologized and told him my reaction wasn't right.  I also told him how I know it is so tough sometimes David struggles because of the Autism. 
Aaron was very sympathetic.  I told him though that when he feels overwhelmed trying to deal with David to come and talk to mom and take a break.

I know I need to make a much more conscious effort to be more understanding with Aaron [and I will!]  I also need to make more specific times now to spend with only Aaron.  Especially since David is now homeschooling and is with me all day.

I often wish a manual would have come with my children.  No guessing, no screwing up, no wondering how bad I might be scarring them, no hoping and praying that they will not hate me one day.

The one thing I try to take comfort in, is that my children picked my husband and I for a reason, to be their parents.  I want to honor that and be who they need me to be!

Here's to my other son Aaron Preston!  I will always love you, beyond the universe and back!

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