The Passage of Time

 May 20th was 9 months.  

Nine months that you've been gone.  It seems like a lifetime ago on some days.  On other days, it seems as if it was only yesterday.

The passage of time brings distance between the tragedy and daily living.

It does not bring comfort or healing.  Time doesn't heal all wounds.  I hate that cliche.  
It doesn't make it easier to deal with.  Time doesn't do anything really, except march on.
Ultimately, as time moves on, we feel left behind.

Time doesn't help at all.  I think we've learned to compartmentalize.  

This is work.  This is a compartment.  I have X.Y,Z to acccomplish.  I put a smile on.  I pep myself up.  I go on.

This is school.  The boys have a subject to do.  They do X,Y,Z.  They put a smile on their face.  They pep themselves up.

This is dinner time.

This is TV time.

This is grocery shopping time.

This is laundry time.

This is housecleaning time.

This is exercise time.

This is grieving time.

Compartments help.  I don't believe time heals.  I do believe we find some comfort in the mundane.  

We learn to deal with it.  Not because it is the natural thing to do.  We do it because we have no choice.  

Life moves on and we either walk with it or be dragged kicking and screaming.

Some days, we walk willingly.  

I feel like most days, at least for myself, I'm dragged kicking and screaming.

We aren't left behind though because people do not care.  NOT at all. Not on purpose of course, not out of spite.  It just...is.  Time has to move on.  There's no way to turn it back.  And trust me if I could manipulate quantum theory, I would.  I'd turn back time to many many years ago and do things differently.

Here we are though.  Life has to go on for everyone.  It's the way it is.  I know we are deeply cared for and loved (even if I don't feel that way in my own webbed mind). The world does not and will not stop for David, Aaron, and myself.  But we still feel left behind.

I did not realize how much of a skeptic I was until Eric passed away.
It's always been there, but it's come into the light.

I'm a believing skeptic.  I certainly believe in something bigger than myself.  The universe is too precise.  The science is amazing.  Something gave it a push.
Aside from that, I'm a skeptic.
The grieving makes it painfully obvious. 

We're still moving forward.

We can and will do this.




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