A perfect evening that equates the struggle with-in for me.

Tonight has been amazing.  A wonderful husband, working hard for his family.  Two beautiful sons, getting along, making excellent choices, no fighting, no squabbling, peacefully playing and now sleeping.  I was able to accomplish a bit of housework and even found some time to be "lazy".  Wonderful!

And wonderfully hard at the same moment.  Tonight is a night of struggle.  Not outwardly, but inward.  I think for a brief moment I was living in the allusion that through this journey of depression and Fibromyalgia, Cymbalta would be the miracle cure.   Apparently not.  While I've had days, even weeks of feeling great, tonight has been a struggle.  Both physically and emotionally. 

That dreaded sadness.  The wonder of 'who are my friends?'  Am I really making a difference in anyone's life...all creeping back up.  I CAN say that it has been more manageable.  I only thought perhaps that those feelings would vanish and never again would I feel those empty moments. 

Mountains. Climbing them through rough paths, jagged paths, straight paths, winding paths...Looking out when on the peak and smiling, crying in the valleys continuing the journey.  It IS in the journey.  Life is that journey.  Tonight is a hard night, but tomorrow is another day.  I will continue to search, seek and strive for that harmony, that peace, embracing the Light that drives my life.  I CAN do this!


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