Not looking back!

As I stooped to pick up a load of laundry, I gazed around my house at the utter mess.  Yes, I said it.  Utter mess!  A sink full of dirty dishes, several laundry piles, toys scattered in the bathroom, the living room, the boys room, our room and the kitchen.  A bowel of goldfish sat on the toy shelf, pretty sure the bathroom needs a good scrubbing, beds unmade...and laughter.  The sound of two little boys building towers and houses with legos as they laughed and pretended they were blasting off to the moon to visit Martian Mickey Mouse.

Messes tend to irritate me.  Just ask my husband.  I suddenly become Mr. Hyde and vow to throw away anything in my path!  But today the first thought that popped into my mind without even thinking was ... "I wouldn't trade this for anything.  I can barely remember life before this life, nor do I really want too."

That's right!  Sure life was fun, we had more money before children.  I did a lot more, ran around a lot more but in the end none of it is as important as my life with my husband and my sons.  I don't long for the days of singleness, I don't miss that "freedom".  I have all I need when I see their smiles, hear there laughter and wipe their tears.  

I still of course have my time with husband, have my time with my girlfriends...but honestly today is the kind of day I prefer more than anything.  A lazy day at home with my family!  No where to be, nothing "important" to do.  Just a time to reveal in the warmth and strength of the love of my family.  

There's no need to look back, there's not need to fret about the future.  I have all I need right here!  


A typical day in our life!  If you drop by, this is what you'll find!  A mess!  A beautiful, blessed mess and lots of fun and play!

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

She was using food stamps! Why doesn't she work? Those are MY tax dollars!

Image
I will never forget that day. I was judging!!! I watched the lady as she absently scanned 2 Lunchables, a carton of Capri-Sun, some individual applesauce pouches, a single serving of some soda product, and a pack of mixed nuts. (do you KNOW how expensive and processed those Lunchables are anyway?? Not to mention juice pouches full of sugar.) Come on, wouldn't it be easier and cheaper to make a couple of sandwiches, and have some reusable cups and portion containers to get virtually the same meal?   Her children were a little disheveled and good god I don't think she ever brushes their hair. They were also not under control but arguing back and forth. To be honest it was rather annoying and I thought why doesn't she intervene? But wonder of wonders, they were on electronics.  And of course, she was paying with food stamps.  No mistaking that debit card anywhere. They have welfare, but still have money for that apparently.   She had some kind of Vera Bradley purse herself a
Read more

6.5 years later....I still wonder about you tiny one!

Image
I will never forgot the day when I found out I was pregnant for the very first time.  It was such a rush of emotion.  Fear, happiness, contemplation, all wrapped up into one.  It wasn't the most opportune time, but let's face it when is it really?  At the heart of it all, I was ecstatic.  I was going to be a mother, and Eric a father. Several weeks later I could tell, things were not going well.  One night we found ourselves in the emergency room.  An ultrasound had been ordered.  Eric was made to leave and I was left alone in a sterile room with just the technician and myself.  She barely spoke 2 words to me.  I saw the baby and the screen was then quickly whisked around so I could see no more.  My heart sunk.  The doctor came in and said we see the baby, but no heart beat.  But don't worry.  It's still early! But I already knew in my heart.  I was nearly 8 weeks and the heart should have already been beating by 5 weeks.  A week later, I was in the ER again and it
Read more

The Anniversaries of Death

Image
It's been 436 days since Eric passed away.  One year and two months.  62 weeks and 1 day.  To be honest, I'm not sure some days how we got this far.  A part of me "knows" but a part of me does not. In those early days and weeks, two pieces of advice became a profound stepping stone on this journey. First, do not make any major decisions during the first year of losing a loved one. The second was "do the next thing".   I remember hearing the first one from the priest at my local Parish.  Trust me, I wanted to take my boys and run away.  To where?  I don't know.  I felt like I wanted to run and run and run.  I wanted to crawl out of my skin.  I wanted to be anywhere but here (then, in that present moment). The second piece of advice I heard at a grief support group.  One of the lovely people there was recounting the beginning days for herself and how she had heard that advice.  "Do the next thing".  If that next thing was to brush your teeth, the
Read more