News this week in parenting......I sucked at it!

This past week has been sad, tough, tear producing, and failure.  Eric's grandmother, on his mother's side, passed from this life.  She was a beautiful lady who from day 1, like Eric's mom loved and accepted me.  That was sad.  Eric flew to Ohio to be with family from Sunday to Wednesday. 


I understand that this week has been a set of variables that have made up my week.  And I realize that some things were in my control and some where not.  It seemed from the moment Eric left the boys become off kilter.  David had more meltdowns than he has had in a long time.  A lot of stemming, a lot of noises, not connecting action A with action or consequence B.  Aaron was Aaron, all of 4 spunky years old.  Lots of "NO!"  Lots of tantrums, lots of stubbornness.  There was virtually no break in behavior.

IN short, this week was about more than I could handle.  There were tears in my own eyes a few times.  I love my children dearly, more than anything.  But sometimes, I don't like them.  There I said it.  I've revealed myself, opened myself.  

 I'm not the ooey gooey hippie go with the flow mama that I set out to be or thought I was.  That part I'm getting OK with.  I'm not OK with not liking them sometimes.  I don't like that part of myself.

I admit, a part of me has a hard time just letting them be children.  I have to fight the adult part of me that says there is a place for everything, and everything has a place.  Don't touch this, don't do that.  That is so hard to break and often times I bring more stress upon myself. 

I admit that sometimes I'm harder on Aaron because he doesn't face the 'challenges' that David does, and that is NOT fair of me to do.  There are times I just want say we all have challenges David, suck it up.

Yes, that is stellar parenting folks :/ 

A part of me wants strict boundaries, but don't want them to lose childhood because I haven't made an effort to change.  Really I feel like I'm just a lost jumble of swirling thoughts that make no sense to anyone but me. 

I'm so glad for a loving husband who came home from Ohio today and had to work tonight but made sure I got out of the house for a couple of hours.  I can't imagine doing this all on my own. 

I love my husband.
I love my sons.
This week has been challenging.
Today is coming to pass.
Tomorrow is a new day.

Comments

  1. AnonymousNovember 21, 2012 at 11:35 PM

    Terra, I also thank God above for my husband! What would I do without him?? It sounds like you also have a hubby who values what you do for your family. I completely know what you mean about being a "jumble of swirling thoughts." That describes exactly how I often feel in my parenting. I let myself down frequently, and I can get wrapped up in the ways that my children disappoint me and I disappoint myself. I try to remember that God is using my children to refine me, even as I am meant to help shape them. Thanks for sharing! ~Erica

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