She was using food stamps! Why doesn't she work? Those are MY tax dollars!

I will never forget that day.
I was judging!!!
I watched the lady as she absently scanned 2 Lunchables, a carton of Capri-Sun, some individual applesauce pouches, a single serving of some soda product, and a pack of mixed nuts. (do you KNOW how expensive and processed those Lunchables are anyway?? Not to mention juice pouches full of sugar.)
Come on, wouldn't it be easier and cheaper to make a couple of sandwiches, and have some reusable cups and portion containers to get virtually the same meal?  
Her children were a little disheveled and good god I don't think she ever brushes their hair.
They were also not under control but arguing back and forth.
To be honest it was rather annoying and I thought why doesn't she intervene?
But wonder of wonders, they were on electronics.  And of course, she was paying with food stamps.  No mistaking that debit card anywhere.
They have welfare, but still have money for that apparently.  
She had some kind of Vera Bradley purse herself and was dressed rather nicely.
I rolled my eyes and thought, too bad it wasn't still that fake looking monopoly money they used to use.
Maybe a little more shame involved and people wouldn't want to use food stamps.

Why does she need food stamps if they have electronics and she has name-brand stuff?
Really this woman should have thought about that.  Planned it out better.  At least used her welfare with more consideration since hardworking tax =ayers pay for her and her kids.
I kind of looked away and snickered a bit when the man at the register said "Ma'am, you can't pay for gas with food stamps!"
She looked around kind of embarrassed (Good!) and pulled out some cash and I heard her mumble something about being tired and rushing to an appointment.
Okay whatever lady, not our problem.
GET.A.JOB!
Stop having kids.
Are you even married?
Do they have the same father?

And this is where I stop to ask you, the reader, if you have ever thought or said these things when you see someone paying with "welfare"?
Be honest?  Many of us, quite possibly, have judged this at one time or another.

What if I were to tell you that the above story was absolutely true?  I am only lying on one part.
It IS me in the story.  It was me.
I was the woman paying with "welfare".
Yes, I (and others) have been told that we should only be able to buy things like rice, beans, and flour.  My sons should never have a "store-bought cake" if I was receiving welfare.  I should make it all from scratch because it was "cheaper" and not fair to tax payers who maybe couldn't afford a store-bought cake either.  YES!  I have been told that several times in the past! (But that is a whole other debate).

Some think we should still do that old school "money" so we would be more inclined to "get off the system".   YES!  I have been told that as well, and have heard it in casual conversation.

Don't forget the ole'  "we should get education and jobs" too.

Guess what?
I have both! TWO degrees as a matter of fact AND I'm a teacher.

Yes!  I have absolutely been told all of that, AND have heard many people in various conversations say these things about others.

Sometimes, it is really hard to bite my tongue, but when I do...

Ironically, when I tell them that I have received help, I get the standard response, "Well, you're different.  I'm not really talking about you. You really need it.  But most abuse it."
Or something similar.

Then I speak up:  "But you ARE talking about me, when we say such things to any one, because I AM one of "those".

My next question to them is "Do you know every single person receiving benefits?   Do you know their story?"
That answer is generally no, with a dash of I know a guy...I have a cousin who has a cousin...etc., etc.

And let me be clear that I do NOT think there is an easy answer on ALL sides of this.  
However, I am just calling for people to be more mindful despite our political climate. Despite the "pull yourselves up by your bootstraps" mentality. Despite not knowing every story.

That day was fuzzy to me mostly, yet at the same time, burned into my mind.  

Burned into my mind during that moment in time when a long line formed behind me at the register.

 I quietly and quickly tried to get my shopping done because I was running David to another specialist appointment to see if the new round of chemo or weekly injections would be the next course of action for him.

I had left work early to get him at school.  I pulled into the gas station to get a quick lunch for them and fill up on gas before heading to Nemours in Orlando (a two hour journey from where we live).
Yes, I could have absolutely done better with making "from scratch" food.  I don't claim to try to fully justify my decisions.
However, getting up at 5:30am, getting myself ready, making sure 2 kiddos get ready, and David gets all the meds he needs, going to work, then running this errand in the early afternoon left me exhausted in the middle of a WORK week.

All this to say.
You.never.know.the.full.story!  You don't!  Think about your words.  How they hurt. How they might be the final straw between pressing forward for someone, or giving up.  

Here I am an educated woman with a Master's Degree.  I made just below the "income" cutoff to get a few SNAP benefits.
Let me educate you a bit on SNAP by the way.  

By SNAP (as the state defines it) is Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program.
It is not meant to and does not supply all groceries needed (at least for our home) for a month.  It's just what it says "SUPPLEMENTAL".

I tell you that, in hopes if you are someone that has caught yourself judging, that you realize NO ONE is getting rich on "welfare".
I PROMISE you get so much per person and that is it.

Is it still flawed and have many issues? YES!  Of course, however, these urban myths of welfare queens and kings MUST stop.
People HAVE abused the system BUT,  I can assure you the help they get from the government does NOT mean a "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" type life though (I've dated myself there).

It IS possible that SOME, not ALL have made money on the side in one way or another without reporting it.  YES, that is ILLEGAL and wrong.
But statistically, those receiving assistance of some kind (whether SNAP, Medical, and/or Cash) are the "working poor".  Like myself.

There are guidelines to even getting assistance.  I do hope people realize that you must either be engaged in looking for work legitimately (and trust me the system treats you like you are guilty until proven innocent in this.  I lived it first-hand while applying for Unemployment for just 6 weeks). 
You have to continuously check in and show up and PROVE that you looked for jobs, complete with a letter of hire or not.
OR you had to be working. 
They do not, contrary to popular belief, give money out for free.
Unless you are on disability, you are considered able-bodied and must work!

Okay back to the story.
The cashier did indeed loudly say "You can't pay for gas with food stamps."  I already knew this and had my cash out.  Why the cashier picked that moment, in front of my sons who were YES, a bit disheveled and arguing among themselves, and in front of a long line of other customers.
I looked around quickly and saw people's eyes darting away.
And I was so very embarrassed.  I felt like I was treated again like some low life who was "mooching" off the system.

I handed him the cash and I did mumble about being exhausted and headed to a doctor's appointment.  I tried to make some lame excuse so he did not think I was stupid.  But I felt stupid.

I hurried out, got in the car, and told myself, "My boys and I are worth more than this, and they deserve better."  They deserve the love that Christ spoke of (Which is often NOT showing by those saying his name).

Please, please, please, realize when you judge, or post, or think these thoughts, it IS about me and my family.  We're the family "that your tax-dollars are supporting".  P.S.-I pay taxes too!

You just never know!
You really do not.

I have before, tried to explain that I AM educated AND work, only to be met with "Well then get a better job!  Move somewhere to get a better job.  You didn't plan good enough." etc.
People can not seem to win either way.

People on all sides are going to pass judgment in some way.
I get that.
Yet I do hope again that my own story makes at least one person more mindful in that grocery store line.

To someone on the outside, yes they saw my kids a mess while I was put together (the kids needed haircuts but I didn't have money to get them for several more weeks).
I had a Vera Bradley purse (that my MOTHER had given me).
I had on a nice outfit (thanks to a friend's hand me downs)
I drive a decent car (thanks to a monthly payment so I have something SAFE to drive back and forth to the hospital for David).

Look, the truth is.  I NEVER expected myself to be in this position.  Divorced (yes their dad is GREAT about helping THEM!  But I'm me.  He does not owe me.)
But I'm here.  A one-income family and learning to budget even better (I admit I'm not the greatest sometimes, yet my bills are paid and I work hard to keep a roof over my boys' heads.)

 BUT, I also do NOT deserve to stand in judgment by someone else looking down at their nose at me).

Time, life, and situations, have humbled me in many ways. 
Your life can change in a day.  One day I was happily married, 2 incomes, we were doing pretty well.
The next the world came crashing down.

Remember.
Pride comes first then the fall.
No one is immune.
Less judgment.
More compassion.
More empathy.
More love.
For our "neighbors".
Remember, this is MY family that (general) you are talking about.
Remember.