A Bewitchingly Ordinary Life!

I so understand the sentiment.  I get it. I appreciate the support, love, and concern. I also know it is not true. I am not strong. I am not great. I am not always doing well. I'm not always happy. I hide. I hide behind a smile. I hide behind "lies" of I'm doing wonderful. I hide behind the light of day. I hide behind "happy" pictures posted on social media. I hide behind "fun" times. You don't see all the time I'm alone. You don't see me embracing the darkness and crying myself to sleep so many nights. You don't see me on my knees crying and cursing and pleading and making deals & bargains with the God I believe in. You don't see the loneliness in my heart. You don't see the endless nights. You don't see me looking into a future that looks bleak. Though I know encouragement is just that and can be wonderful. I also know in the midst of pain it is cliched and trite. Many of you don't kno

Yes, you've read that right.  I'm sorry.  I am giving you my apologies.  Even though it troubles me and leaves an impression on my heart, I still give them to you. Who?  Who is 'you'?  'You' are those people who, over the months and years have decided to distance themselves from me.  To no longer talk with me.  To be content to just hear or read [you have to love the age of social media], what's going on in my life, yet stay at arms length. Yes, I've noticed.  I've noticed it as I've grown in my own life, in my own views, in my faith in the Christ I follow.  Though there is a spiritual aspect to this, at the same time it is so much more.  It is the conflict of being who I am, even if it means losing friendships over it. I used to be someone else.  Someone who thought differently, who perhaps acted different.  Who was certain the world was black and white and everything had an answer.  There are times I wish I could go back to that, only becaus