A Bewitchingly Ordinary Life!

The Divorce Chronicles  Healing Takes Time: 5 things NOT to say Yes I know.  Don't say it.   "Terra, you share too much." Well, yes.  Yes I do.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  For so long I have always done what others told me.  I stuffed things down.  I lived my life for others.  I'm 47 years old (almost 48).  I will no longer live for others.  At least in the sense of trying to please everyone.  I don't have to hid.  I don't have to feel ashamed.  AND, I don't have to agree. I'm getting ahead of myself a bit. I'll never forget the day I knew my marriage was over.  May 7, 2017.   1 year, 7 months, 10 days, 11 hours, 18 minutes, 30 seconds ago to be precise (at the time I wrote this).   The year before that our marriage almost ended.  There was 'forgiveness' and we moved beyond. 9 months went by.  I thought everything was perfect.  Better than ever. Tha...

I so understand the sentiment.  I get it. I appreciate the support, love, and concern. I also know it is not true. I am not strong. I am not great. I am not always doing well. I'm not always happy. I hide. I hide behind a smile. I hide behind "lies" of I'm doing wonderful. I hide behind the light of day. I hide behind "happy" pictures posted on social media. I hide behind "fun" times. You don't see all the time I'm alone. You don't see me embracing the darkness and crying myself to sleep so many nights. You don't see me on my knees crying and cursing and pleading and making deals & bargains with the God I believe in. You don't see the loneliness in my heart. You don't see the endless nights. You don't see me looking into a future that looks bleak. Though I know encouragement is just that and can be wonderful. I also know in the midst of pain it is cliched and trite. Many of you don't kno...

I would have never even given a second thought that I'd still be battling depression 5 years after originally being diagnosed. I started treatment and felt great for a couple of years. Now, I *thought* I was doing well the 3 years after that.  I didn't recognize the slip again.  The slip into depression's waves and tides, the grasp it takes and slowly pulls you down, is often subtle and unnoticed until someone or something makes you take notice. This has got to be one of the hardest posts I have ever done, one of the most heartbreaking for me. There was no one moment, one day, one week where suddenly I was swimming in the depths trying to reach the top.  It was a slow dissent.  A thought here, a misread conversation there, an over analyzed look from someone, small situations, all that began eating away at simple sanity again. I wanted to believe that the first time around, the medication treatment, and the attention to it that my mind was brought to, w...