A Bewitchingly Ordinary Life!

It's been 436 days since Eric passed away.  One year and two months.  62 weeks and 1 day.  To be honest, I'm not sure some days how we got this far.  A part of me "knows" but a part of me does not. In those early days and weeks, two pieces of advice became a profound stepping stone on this journey. First, do not make any major decisions during the first year of losing a loved one. The second was "do the next thing".   I remember hearing the first one from the priest at my local Parish.  Trust me, I wanted to take my boys and run away.  To where?  I don't know.  I felt like I wanted to run and run and run.  I wanted to crawl out of my skin.  I wanted to be anywhere but here (then, in that present moment). The second piece of advice I heard at a grief support group.  One of the lovely people there was recounting the beginning days for herself and how she had heard that advice.  "Do the next thing".  If that next th...

I will never forget that day. I was judging!!! I watched the lady as she absently scanned 2 Lunchables, a carton of Capri-Sun, some individual applesauce pouches, a single serving of some soda product, and a pack of mixed nuts. (do you KNOW how expensive and processed those Lunchables are anyway?? Not to mention juice pouches full of sugar.) Come on, wouldn't it be easier and cheaper to make a couple of sandwiches, and have some reusable cups and portion containers to get virtually the same meal?   Her children were a little disheveled and good god I don't think she ever brushes their hair. They were also not under control but arguing back and forth. To be honest it was rather annoying and I thought why doesn't she intervene? But wonder of wonders, they were on electronics.  And of course, she was paying with food stamps.  No mistaking that debit card anywhere. They have welfare, but still have money for that apparently.   She had some kind of Vera Bradle...

The Divorce Chronicles  Healing Takes Time: 5 things NOT to say Yes I know.  Don't say it.   "Terra, you share too much." Well, yes.  Yes I do.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  For so long I have always done what others told me.  I stuffed things down.  I lived my life for others.  I'm 47 years old (almost 48).  I will no longer live for others.  At least in the sense of trying to please everyone.  I don't have to hid.  I don't have to feel ashamed.  AND, I don't have to agree. I'm getting ahead of myself a bit. I'll never forget the day I knew my marriage was over.  May 7, 2017.   1 year, 7 months, 10 days, 11 hours, 18 minutes, 30 seconds ago to be precise (at the time I wrote this).   The year before that our marriage almost ended.  There was 'forgiveness' and we moved beyond. 9 months went by.  I thought everything was perfect.  Better than ever. Tha...

I would have never even given a second thought that I'd still be battling depression 5 years after originally being diagnosed. I started treatment and felt great for a couple of years. Now, I *thought* I was doing well the 3 years after that.  I didn't recognize the slip again.  The slip into depression's waves and tides, the grasp it takes and slowly pulls you down, is often subtle and unnoticed until someone or something makes you take notice. This has got to be one of the hardest posts I have ever done, one of the most heartbreaking for me. There was no one moment, one day, one week where suddenly I was swimming in the depths trying to reach the top.  It was a slow dissent.  A thought here, a misread conversation there, an over analyzed look from someone, small situations, all that began eating away at simple sanity again. I wanted to believe that the first time around, the medication treatment, and the attention to it that my mind was brought to, w...

I stood at the sink absent-mindedly doing dishes.   A million thoughts running through my head of upcoming doctor visits, blood draws, back to school shopping, grocery lists.  I'm on auto-pilot as David comes into the kitchen. DAVID: "Mom, have you seen my marble that was on the breakfast bar?" ME: "Yes I put it in the basket when I was cleaning." DAVID: "There it is.  I painted a face on it mom." ME: "Yeah I saw that!  It was cute." DAVID: "I did it because I don't have any friends, so I made one." Then he hurried off back to his room and I began hearing the clank of marbles. I stopped doing dishes and absorbed what he just head.  My heart broke again for him, my eyes filled with tears and all the issues associated with Autism came flooding back, as it does almost daily. A feeling of loneliness and friendlessness is common among ASD children.  David is no different.  His social awkwardness drives many away.  He doesn...

I don't think there is anyone in the USA that has not heard about the terrible tragedy that occurred in Orlando this past week.  No doubt everyone's heart was touched and saddened.  The tragedy transcends beyond politics, beyond religions, beyond differences that divide us [or at least it should and did often!] I was touched and am touched by the outpouring of love and service to the families and loved ones left behind from those who have similarities, from those that have differences, from the most unlikely places.  I have LOVED reading those stories.  We've tried to instill in our sons that we love all, we accept all, we do not judge.  This tragedy has been a door to educate and show them even further, how we are called and meant to love.  As human beings, all connected, it is important, MANDATORY that we love.  We should love! Children have real feelings, they have questions, they want to know why.  I don't hid much from my sons.  W...

June has arrived with a hot roar.  Florida temperatures are soaring into the 90s and the end of the school year is here! It has been quite the journey this school year and the adventure continues. Aaron is doing fabulous at Babson Park Elementary.  This coming week is their final 3.5 days and it's packed with fun for the students, from a School Fair to a Fairy Tale Bowl.  He's also scheduled to attend 4 weeks [4 days a week], a 3rd grade enrichment program at the school.  It's a half day program and will begin introducing him to the third grade.  David has pretty much wrapped up his first official homeschool term.  He began at the end of April.  The 2016-17 academic year will be his first full year homeschool. He's excited about the coming year as his textbooks have begun arriving.  He was especially excited when his National Geographic Earth Science book arrived!  The biggest reason, as you all know, to homeschool is due to his health....

I'm talking about my youngest, Aaron Preston.  He'll be 8 in a little over a month and he is so excited. He talks everyday about his birthday, about how he wants a Lorax theme, about the legos he wants, the friends he wants to invite. He's my happy go lucky kid.  My boy with a sense of humor.  He's the one that will go outside early in the morning and come dragging in at dusk, covered with dirt, telling about his fun day out playing. He's my sensitive soul, my very giving child, perceptive, loving, feisty, spirited, and full of hugs. He's always slipping me cards and notes, little gifts he makes out of random beads he finds.  He's almost always so understanding of David and my often preoccupation with him and all the issues. With that, I confess that I'm pretty sure I've failed him as a parent.  I feel like I don't spend as much time with him as I should.  I feel like at times I'm harder on him.  I tend to not realize what he may be feeling ...

A week has come and gone for David in his new adventure.   It has been interesting testing the waters and finding the groove that works for him.  One of the aspects often of Autism is the need for routine.  Without it, David seems to have more meltdowns, he becomes anxious. So I decided to have a routine from the time he got up until we were finished with the focused learning for the day. Our schooling day looks something like this: *Wake-up & breakfast *Dressed & teeth brushed [I find it works best if he "officially" still gets dressed to "go"] *Free time until 7:30am, then school is in session! *Daily free reading time [from a variety of science, social studies, or history books.] *Math time [which includes 2 lessons from a workbook and chalkboard work. *Science which is a mix of reading lessons, written work, and lab. *Social Studies *Language Arts [which includes writing & spelling.  Often this crosses over with science & social studies...

I love Earth Day!  I've loved every since I heard about it and stumbled upon an Earth Day Birthday celebration Almost 25 years ago! At the time I was living in Dayton, Ohio and often went Downtown to shop at the now defunct department stores.  [Aww memories, but that is another post.] One April day, as I headed to Elder Beerman, going through the Court Yard, I noticed this festival.  Unsure of what it was I stopped at the various booths to check out what was going on. To be honest, this was the first time I ever even realized that we needed to care for the earth.  Sad but true.  The movement was gaining big momentum back then [It started in 1970], and I credit that festival for helping to open my eyes.  I have to admit I'm not doing as much as I could, or as much as I have in the past.  But maybe it's time to revisit some of the things I used to do.  I know as I've grown older, learned more about my own ancestral roots, and had chi...

I remember so vividly the moment I met my oldest son’s soul in a dream.  The dream began in a foggy darkness with my best friend and I walking along a lone sidewalk.   Ahead of us I began to see a bit of light, not sunlight but some kind of pale light.  As we drew closer I saw a tall streetlamp, with its artificial light casting a triangle type beam of light down through the fog onto the sidewalk.  There beneath the streetlight a child stood with his back to us and hands in pocket.  Walking past the child I looked at him.  He had an adorable face, with glasses and this kind of bowl shaped haircut.   I turned to my friend and said, “When I have son, he will look like that little boy.”  At that moment the little boy turned towards me, looked up, and said “Hi mom!”  Something deep in my being knew instantly that I had met my future son. I woke up filled with a sense of peace and wonder.  My husband and I were not trying...

The knocks come on the door. "Can Aaron come out and play?" Often, and with joy! But the knocks rarely come for David.  I take that back, occasionally they do come.  Usually preceded first by seeing if Aaron can play.  If he can't, or he's busy, they sometimes ask for David.  Sometimes.  But he's rarely a first thought. And this shatters my heart in a million pieces. I want to say I get it.  I want to say I somewhat understand.  But another part of me wants to say it shouldn't be that way.  He's just a child, and he wants to play and be included as well. That can be the heartbreaking part of children with special needs.  David is quarky, he's loud, he doesn't understand personal space, he has a hearty laugh, he may laugh at inappropriate times, he may add to the conversation, but not in the way one would expect.  He'll believe you if you joke with him and say you're taking over the world.  He's deathly afraid of bugs so he'll get ...