A Bewitchingly Ordinary Life!

It's been 436 days since Eric passed away.  One year and two months.  62 weeks and 1 day.  To be honest, I'm not sure some days how we got this far.  A part of me "knows" but a part of me does not. In those early days and weeks, two pieces of advice became a profound stepping stone on this journey. First, do not make any major decisions during the first year of losing a loved one. The second was "do the next thing".   I remember hearing the first one from the priest at my local Parish.  Trust me, I wanted to take my boys and run away.  To where?  I don't know.  I felt like I wanted to run and run and run.  I wanted to crawl out of my skin.  I wanted to be anywhere but here (then, in that present moment). The second piece of advice I heard at a grief support group.  One of the lovely people there was recounting the beginning days for herself and how she had heard that advice.  "Do the next thing".  If that next th...

This is how I remember you.  I am sure it is how I'll always remember you.  When I'm old, when I can not remember much else, when the world seems bleak or when the end of my life nears, I know I still remember "those" days. You were so young, fresh to the world. A million dreams before you.   (video montage) Those days, they flew by.  Faster than I ever dreamed possible.  And now, the days continue to fleet by.  I try to slow down, slow time down yet it only seems to disappear faster. You both have grown so much.  Young boys to young men.  11 and 13.  So close to 12 and 14. I seem so lost. In "those" days, those young days, I felt like I knew what I was doing.  Time proved me wrong.  Some days we sailed through with laughter, other days the three of us ended it in tears. Not much has changed in that respect. Except I realize I have no idea what I was doing then, nor do I have any idea now. I try though. I fail a lot, yet...

I would have never even given a second thought that I'd still be battling depression 5 years after originally being diagnosed. I started treatment and felt great for a couple of years. Now, I *thought* I was doing well the 3 years after that.  I didn't recognize the slip again.  The slip into depression's waves and tides, the grasp it takes and slowly pulls you down, is often subtle and unnoticed until someone or something makes you take notice. This has got to be one of the hardest posts I have ever done, one of the most heartbreaking for me. There was no one moment, one day, one week where suddenly I was swimming in the depths trying to reach the top.  It was a slow dissent.  A thought here, a misread conversation there, an over analyzed look from someone, small situations, all that began eating away at simple sanity again. I wanted to believe that the first time around, the medication treatment, and the attention to it that my mind was brought to, w...

I stood at the sink absent-mindedly doing dishes.   A million thoughts running through my head of upcoming doctor visits, blood draws, back to school shopping, grocery lists.  I'm on auto-pilot as David comes into the kitchen. DAVID: "Mom, have you seen my marble that was on the breakfast bar?" ME: "Yes I put it in the basket when I was cleaning." DAVID: "There it is.  I painted a face on it mom." ME: "Yeah I saw that!  It was cute." DAVID: "I did it because I don't have any friends, so I made one." Then he hurried off back to his room and I began hearing the clank of marbles. I stopped doing dishes and absorbed what he just head.  My heart broke again for him, my eyes filled with tears and all the issues associated with Autism came flooding back, as it does almost daily. A feeling of loneliness and friendlessness is common among ASD children.  David is no different.  His social awkwardness drives many away.  He doesn...

I don't think there is anyone in the USA that has not heard about the terrible tragedy that occurred in Orlando this past week.  No doubt everyone's heart was touched and saddened.  The tragedy transcends beyond politics, beyond religions, beyond differences that divide us [or at least it should and did often!] I was touched and am touched by the outpouring of love and service to the families and loved ones left behind from those who have similarities, from those that have differences, from the most unlikely places.  I have LOVED reading those stories.  We've tried to instill in our sons that we love all, we accept all, we do not judge.  This tragedy has been a door to educate and show them even further, how we are called and meant to love.  As human beings, all connected, it is important, MANDATORY that we love.  We should love! Children have real feelings, they have questions, they want to know why.  I don't hid much from my sons.  W...

June has arrived with a hot roar.  Florida temperatures are soaring into the 90s and the end of the school year is here! It has been quite the journey this school year and the adventure continues. Aaron is doing fabulous at Babson Park Elementary.  This coming week is their final 3.5 days and it's packed with fun for the students, from a School Fair to a Fairy Tale Bowl.  He's also scheduled to attend 4 weeks [4 days a week], a 3rd grade enrichment program at the school.  It's a half day program and will begin introducing him to the third grade.  David has pretty much wrapped up his first official homeschool term.  He began at the end of April.  The 2016-17 academic year will be his first full year homeschool. He's excited about the coming year as his textbooks have begun arriving.  He was especially excited when his National Geographic Earth Science book arrived!  The biggest reason, as you all know, to homeschool is due to his health....

I'm talking about my youngest, Aaron Preston.  He'll be 8 in a little over a month and he is so excited. He talks everyday about his birthday, about how he wants a Lorax theme, about the legos he wants, the friends he wants to invite. He's my happy go lucky kid.  My boy with a sense of humor.  He's the one that will go outside early in the morning and come dragging in at dusk, covered with dirt, telling about his fun day out playing. He's my sensitive soul, my very giving child, perceptive, loving, feisty, spirited, and full of hugs. He's always slipping me cards and notes, little gifts he makes out of random beads he finds.  He's almost always so understanding of David and my often preoccupation with him and all the issues. With that, I confess that I'm pretty sure I've failed him as a parent.  I feel like I don't spend as much time with him as I should.  I feel like at times I'm harder on him.  I tend to not realize what he may be feeling ...

A week has come and gone for David in his new adventure.   It has been interesting testing the waters and finding the groove that works for him.  One of the aspects often of Autism is the need for routine.  Without it, David seems to have more meltdowns, he becomes anxious. So I decided to have a routine from the time he got up until we were finished with the focused learning for the day. Our schooling day looks something like this: *Wake-up & breakfast *Dressed & teeth brushed [I find it works best if he "officially" still gets dressed to "go"] *Free time until 7:30am, then school is in session! *Daily free reading time [from a variety of science, social studies, or history books.] *Math time [which includes 2 lessons from a workbook and chalkboard work. *Science which is a mix of reading lessons, written work, and lab. *Social Studies *Language Arts [which includes writing & spelling.  Often this crosses over with science & social studies...

These last couple of months have been one of reflection, evaluation, research, and most of all a heart for my children.  I would have never dreamed how very precious, unique, and different 2 children could be.  How what works for one does not for the other.  One child will remain in public school, while the other child will be homeschooled!  Years ago I blogged about our one room schoolhouse.  Mainly it was done during the summer time time when regular school was out.  I was working then so that's the only time I had plus it kept the boys busy.  Now I am so thrilled that I'll be able to actually homeschool in "real school time". So on the subject of two siblings being so different:  I have my feisty, fierce, stubborn, sensitive, loving, and extroverted 7 year old, Aaron.   He does not like being alone!  From birth, he knew, I mean he KNEW when I stepped out of the room.  Instant screaming.  The child had GREAT lungs!...

I love Earth Day!  I've loved every since I heard about it and stumbled upon an Earth Day Birthday celebration Almost 25 years ago! At the time I was living in Dayton, Ohio and often went Downtown to shop at the now defunct department stores.  [Aww memories, but that is another post.] One April day, as I headed to Elder Beerman, going through the Court Yard, I noticed this festival.  Unsure of what it was I stopped at the various booths to check out what was going on. To be honest, this was the first time I ever even realized that we needed to care for the earth.  Sad but true.  The movement was gaining big momentum back then [It started in 1970], and I credit that festival for helping to open my eyes.  I have to admit I'm not doing as much as I could, or as much as I have in the past.  But maybe it's time to revisit some of the things I used to do.  I know as I've grown older, learned more about my own ancestral roots, and had chi...

I remember so vividly the moment I met my oldest son’s soul in a dream.  The dream began in a foggy darkness with my best friend and I walking along a lone sidewalk.   Ahead of us I began to see a bit of light, not sunlight but some kind of pale light.  As we drew closer I saw a tall streetlamp, with its artificial light casting a triangle type beam of light down through the fog onto the sidewalk.  There beneath the streetlight a child stood with his back to us and hands in pocket.  Walking past the child I looked at him.  He had an adorable face, with glasses and this kind of bowl shaped haircut.   I turned to my friend and said, “When I have son, he will look like that little boy.”  At that moment the little boy turned towards me, looked up, and said “Hi mom!”  Something deep in my being knew instantly that I had met my future son. I woke up filled with a sense of peace and wonder.  My husband and I were not trying...

The knocks come on the door. "Can Aaron come out and play?" Often, and with joy! But the knocks rarely come for David.  I take that back, occasionally they do come.  Usually preceded first by seeing if Aaron can play.  If he can't, or he's busy, they sometimes ask for David.  Sometimes.  But he's rarely a first thought. And this shatters my heart in a million pieces. I want to say I get it.  I want to say I somewhat understand.  But another part of me wants to say it shouldn't be that way.  He's just a child, and he wants to play and be included as well. That can be the heartbreaking part of children with special needs.  David is quarky, he's loud, he doesn't understand personal space, he has a hearty laugh, he may laugh at inappropriate times, he may add to the conversation, but not in the way one would expect.  He'll believe you if you joke with him and say you're taking over the world.  He's deathly afraid of bugs so he'll get ...

[ David, Dec. 2009, 3 years old ] Lately [and by lately I mean months, and months, and months, and...well you get the picture], David has been singing Opera.  His whole life is in Opera style right now.  If he needs to brush his teeth. It's act one of the morning Opera! Take a bath? Closing act..."BAAATTHH TIMMMEEE!!!!"  Do homework?  Okay maybe he doesn't sing then, he just grumbles like an old man. And as much as it can get on my ever loving nerves, a part of me is so thankful that he does it!  Even at 6am! Christmas Season 2009.  This year will forever stand out to me.  Now I adore Christmas.  It's my favorite holiday, so every year is stands out.  However this one?  This one is when everything changed.  David sang for the first time!  Now I know what you are thinking.  Okay, kids sing, so what made this one special?  It was special because honestly, I never thought he'd sing.  I never even thought he's...

  It is no secret that children with autism quite often struggle with food.  Look, smells, texture, taste, all play a part.  Their scope of what they will eat can be small and concentrated in one group.  Pastas, sweets, salty, etc. Food is an area where I started noticing that David had struggles from an early age.  With purees, I offered a wide variety of foods and often, since it takes an average of 15 times for an infant to acquire a taste of something. No matter how many times over the course of about 10 months in the puree stage, he never would get used to vegetables most fruits, and meats. Mainly he loved oatmeal, applesauce, peaches, and macaroni and cheese purees.  It was incredibly frustrating.  When I tried introducing more textured food as he matured, he HATED them.  He gagged on most things that infants and toddlers love.  Those puffs?  Not so much!  Little crackers.  No way!  He did love the cheese puff...

I love to bake and try new concoctions.  Sometimes it works, other times I can only shake my head. Today I found something that works! I was in the mood to make some kind of coffee cake style muffins of loaf.  Plus I had quite a bit of yogurt that's going to go bad because I won't be able to eat it all before the expiration date. Using sugar, flour, baking soda and powder, yogurt, eggs, oil, and milk I made a better that Ive found can be quite versatile. The Basic Recipe 1 cup of all purpose flour 5-6 tablespoons sugar 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt Combined dry ingredients in a bowl, give a quick whisk 1 egg 2 tablespoons of milk 1/2 plus 2 tablespoons yogurt 3 tablespoons oil Whisk together wet ingredients in a bowl, pour onto dry ingredients and whisk until blended.  Don't over mix. Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes until a toothpick comes out clean. Now the tweaking. I used strawberry yogurt, and added...