Letter to my sons 10 years from now
This is how I remember you. I am sure it is how I'll always remember you. When I'm old, when I can not remember much else, when the world seems bleak or when the end of my life nears, I know I still remember "those" days.
You were so young, fresh to the world. A million dreams before you. (video montage)
Those days, they flew by. Faster than I ever dreamed possible. And now, the days continue to fleet by. I try to slow down, slow time down yet it only seems to disappear faster.
You both have grown so much. Young boys to young men. 11 and 13. So close to 12 and 14.
I seem so lost.
In "those" days, those young days, I felt like I knew what I was doing. Time proved me wrong. Some days we sailed through with laughter, other days the three of us ended it in tears.
Not much has changed in that respect.
Except I realize I have no idea what I was doing then, nor do I have any idea now.
I try though.
I fail a lot, yet some days I feel like I make an impact.
The teen years have entered our house.
I feel more lost than ever.
You both are growing so fast, not only physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and into young teenagehood.
It is tough for a mother who felt so needed just years ago. Now you're growing. You love your space, you like to make your own choices, you want to explore, you have the world at your door.
Letting go can be difficult.
I am trying though.
I also want you to know that I want you to follow your dreams whatever they may be.
I am here for you, to love you and support you.
David, if you want to be a doctor, go be a doctor!
Aaron, if you want to be an audio technician, go be an audio technician.
I want to see you grow, live, and obtain your dreams!
I will love you and support you with whatever you choose.
Ten years from now, when you read this with a fresh grown mind, you will understand my heart.
It is only because I love you both so much that I seemed to "nag" you (as you both would tell me).
You see, as a parent, we always want to see our children grow well and become adults who live their dream.
I didn't want you to struggle like I did. Just like my mother did not want me to struggle as she did. Understand, it is a cycle. Not a bad one, but one to help you!
Certainly, I accomplished some things in my life. Yes, I was able to obtain 2 university degrees. Though that doesn't always mean success (at least in the way society) wants us to be successful.
When I say I want you to do better than I did this is what I truly mean.
Of course, speaking strictly of monetary success, I want you to have enough so that you do not have to worry like I did.
Those "what if" situations.
What if....my car breaks down?
What if....I lose my job tomorrow?
What if....I or my child become seriously ill?
I want you to be able to live life without having a setback, set you back (this will make sense when you're older).
More than that though, I want you to be a better human being than I ever was. Yes, we strive to do our best, but often that eludes me.
Where I failed and judged people too much, I want you to have compassion.
Where I failed and didn't give back as much to help others, I want you to have a generous heart.
Where I had a hardened heart, I want you to have grace and mercy.
Yes, I nag. I raised my voice, I became angry many times.
I lectured.
I rambled on and on as you stumbled to your rooms, slamming the door in tears.
I came to the door continuing to try to tell you WHY school is important, why having self-discipline matters (even when it is something we don't want to do).
Even when you tuned me out and complained to each other how mean I was, or how much I nagged, or how I don't care, I continued on.
Maybe it wasn't the best way.
It was my way to let you know I, as a mother, was scared about you growing up.
I hope and prayed (and still do) that you never face the pain that at times I had to.
I nagged because I DID and do care.
I nagged because I understood what the journey to adulthood entailed.
I nagged because I was trying to give you the tools to help you on that journey.
Maybe you'll never know how I lay in bed many nights in tears because you ran away to your room with angry words that hurt my heart. I prayed to God, wanting what you perceived as nagging and anger, to enter your minds as tools and love.
I hope now as you have grown you understand this a bit more.
10 years from the time I'm typing this you will both will be 21 and 23.
Young men. Grown men with the world still at your feet.
I wanted to be able to send you into the world with love in your heart, like the love that Christ has taught us about.
I wanted to be able to send you into adulthood with the tools you need to make better choices than I did, to save you struggle and pain.
I wanted to be able to send you into the world to perhaps one day become parents who continue to "cycle" to raise your children in the same manner.
Did I ever stop nagging? Probably not.
Did I ever stop showing you tools to help you as you grew? Nope!
Did I ever stop loving you? NEVER!
Please now, that 10 years have past and you are grown. I'm not sure what has happened to any of us as I can not see the future.
Do know though that as long as I am alive I know that you were 2 gifts I was given by God that I did not deserve.
I took that seriously.
I raised you the best I could with what I had.
All my love,
Your "nagging" mom.
Now go do your homework.
You were so young, fresh to the world. A million dreams before you. (video montage)
Those days, they flew by. Faster than I ever dreamed possible. And now, the days continue to fleet by. I try to slow down, slow time down yet it only seems to disappear faster.
You both have grown so much. Young boys to young men. 11 and 13. So close to 12 and 14.
I seem so lost.
In "those" days, those young days, I felt like I knew what I was doing. Time proved me wrong. Some days we sailed through with laughter, other days the three of us ended it in tears.
Not much has changed in that respect.
Except I realize I have no idea what I was doing then, nor do I have any idea now.
I try though.
I fail a lot, yet some days I feel like I make an impact.
The teen years have entered our house.
I feel more lost than ever.
You both are growing so fast, not only physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and into young teenagehood.
It is tough for a mother who felt so needed just years ago. Now you're growing. You love your space, you like to make your own choices, you want to explore, you have the world at your door.
Letting go can be difficult.
I am trying though.
I also want you to know that I want you to follow your dreams whatever they may be.
I am here for you, to love you and support you.
David, if you want to be a doctor, go be a doctor!
Aaron, if you want to be an audio technician, go be an audio technician.
I want to see you grow, live, and obtain your dreams!
I will love you and support you with whatever you choose.
Ten years from now, when you read this with a fresh grown mind, you will understand my heart.
It is only because I love you both so much that I seemed to "nag" you (as you both would tell me).
You see, as a parent, we always want to see our children grow well and become adults who live their dream.
I didn't want you to struggle like I did. Just like my mother did not want me to struggle as she did. Understand, it is a cycle. Not a bad one, but one to help you!
Certainly, I accomplished some things in my life. Yes, I was able to obtain 2 university degrees. Though that doesn't always mean success (at least in the way society) wants us to be successful.
When I say I want you to do better than I did this is what I truly mean.
Of course, speaking strictly of monetary success, I want you to have enough so that you do not have to worry like I did.
Those "what if" situations.
What if....my car breaks down?
What if....I lose my job tomorrow?
What if....I or my child become seriously ill?
I want you to be able to live life without having a setback, set you back (this will make sense when you're older).
More than that though, I want you to be a better human being than I ever was. Yes, we strive to do our best, but often that eludes me.
Where I failed and judged people too much, I want you to have compassion.
Where I failed and didn't give back as much to help others, I want you to have a generous heart.
Where I had a hardened heart, I want you to have grace and mercy.
Yes, I nag. I raised my voice, I became angry many times.
I lectured.
I rambled on and on as you stumbled to your rooms, slamming the door in tears.
I came to the door continuing to try to tell you WHY school is important, why having self-discipline matters (even when it is something we don't want to do).
Even when you tuned me out and complained to each other how mean I was, or how much I nagged, or how I don't care, I continued on.
Maybe it wasn't the best way.
It was my way to let you know I, as a mother, was scared about you growing up.
I hope and prayed (and still do) that you never face the pain that at times I had to.
I nagged because I DID and do care.
I nagged because I understood what the journey to adulthood entailed.
I nagged because I was trying to give you the tools to help you on that journey.
Maybe you'll never know how I lay in bed many nights in tears because you ran away to your room with angry words that hurt my heart. I prayed to God, wanting what you perceived as nagging and anger, to enter your minds as tools and love.
I hope now as you have grown you understand this a bit more.
10 years from the time I'm typing this you will both will be 21 and 23.
Young men. Grown men with the world still at your feet.
I wanted to be able to send you into the world with love in your heart, like the love that Christ has taught us about.
I wanted to be able to send you into adulthood with the tools you need to make better choices than I did, to save you struggle and pain.
I wanted to be able to send you into the world to perhaps one day become parents who continue to "cycle" to raise your children in the same manner.
Did I ever stop nagging? Probably not.
Did I ever stop showing you tools to help you as you grew? Nope!
Did I ever stop loving you? NEVER!
Please now, that 10 years have past and you are grown. I'm not sure what has happened to any of us as I can not see the future.
Do know though that as long as I am alive I know that you were 2 gifts I was given by God that I did not deserve.
I took that seriously.
I raised you the best I could with what I had.
All my love,
Your "nagging" mom.
Now go do your homework.
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